.webp){kind=logo}
Client Portal Login
Client Portal Login
Book
Online Session
Book
Online Session
By: Colin Auschrat, MA, Registered Psychologist
June 2026
Many people genuinely want to be support allies to 2SLGBTQI+ friends, family members, clients, students or coworkers. The problem isn't a lack of caring, more often it's a fear of getting it wrong.
People worry they'll use the wrong term, ask the wrong question, offend or hurt someone's feelings unintentionally, or find themselves being critized or "cancelled" for a mistake. While this concern comes from a good place, it can also leave people frozen in place.
The reality is that perfection is not the goal.
Connection is.
This hesitation isn't a character flaw: it's a natural physiological response. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as an "amygdala hijack". When we think there's a chance we'll embarass ourselves, be judged or damage a relationship, our brain's threat detection system kicks in & our brain's alarm system is taking over before our thinking brain has a chance to catch up.
When that happens, many of us do what humans do best: we avoid.
We avoid conversations that feel risky. We avoid asking questions because we're afraid of looking or sounding stupid.
We avoid trying because we're afraid we'll make a mistake that we can't forgive ourselves for.
Unfortunately, learning doesn't work that way.
To learn & grow, we must make mistakes & be able to repair & recover from them. One of my favorite sayings is that we
either suceed or we learn. Sure succeeding feels great. We all like feeling competent & confident. But a growth mindset isn't
focused on looking smart, it's focused on learning. Discomfort isn't a barrier, it is a sign of active learning.
The truth is, we're not perfect humans. We f*ck things up. Regularly.
That's part of the deal. That's what we do.
What's beautiful about it is not that we avoid mistakes, it's that we are capable of learning from them. If we let ourselves.
Our brains, however are highly sensitive to social screw ups. Most of us spend far more time replaying an awkward interaction than anyone else spends thinking about it. We fixate on what we should have said, what we should'nt have said & fearing we've somehow ruined everything forever.
As social creatures, we are terrified of being ostracized from the group. We are wired to fear rejection. Throughout human history, belonging to a group increased our chances of survival. Being excluded meant being vulnerable. We still carry some of that programming today.
So when we worry about saying the wrong thing, it's often not really about the words. It's about the fear of losing connection.
Colin Auschrat, Reg. Psychologist
Many people believe they need all the right words, all the right phrases & a complete understanding of someone else's experience before they're allowed to engage in conversation or connection.
You don't.
Communication is messy, it's suppose to be because it's growth based.
In fact, if you wait until you're perfectly educated & completely confident, you'll probably never start the conversation at
all.
This desire for safety often keeps us in the land of small talk. Small talk is safe. It's low risk. But it is also where relationships
go to remain pleasantly superficial, boring & lonely.
Real connection requires a little uncertainty. Most of us struggle to say exactly what we mean & often the other person has no idea how
to listen or understand it. Misunderstanding happen. Clarifications happen. Repair happens.
That's how healthy communication works.
The challenge is that it's difficult to practice anything if every mistake triggers overwhelming guilt and shame. If every social misstep becomes evidence that you're a terrible person, growth becomes nearly impossible.
It has to be ok to make mistakes.
Otherwise, you'll never learn.
One of the most valuable skills you can develop as an ally is learning to forgive yourself for being human. When you stumble,
practice responding with the same compassion you'd offer a friend.
"Oops. That didn't come out the way I intended"
"Thanks for correcting me"
"I'm still learning"
That's growth.
The most effective allies aren't the people who never make mistakes. They are the people who remain curious, compassionate &
willing to learn when mistakes happen.
A genuine desire to understand another person's experience often creates more safety than having the perfect words ever could.
If you're worried about accidently saying something offensive, be honest about it. Try saying:
"I'm still learning, so please let me know if I say something that doesn't land well."
Most people can recognize the difference between someone who is trying to learn & someone who is refusing to.
You don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is simply listen
When someone shares a different experience, focus on understanding before explaining
Everyone occasionally uses outdated language, makes assumptions or misses the mark. What really matters is what you do next
Small acts of support often have more impact than grand gestures. Inclusion is built through everyday actions
People connect through authenticity, not perfection
You can't learn if you're constantly punishing yourself for being a beginner
We acknowledge our main practice is located within Treaty 6 Territory and within the Métis homelands and Métis Nation of Alberta Region 4. This place is a traditional meeting ground and gathering place for multiple First Peoples including the Nehiyawak (Cree), Anishinaabe (Salteaux), Niitstapi (Blackfoot), Métis, Dene, and Assiniboine, whose footsteps have marked these lands for centuries. Our online service spans what is today called Alberta and the Northwest Territories, which include Treaties 4, 6, 7, 8, 10 and 11.
Copyright © 2026 Auschrat Online Counselling. All rights reserved. Web Design, SEM & SEO by CIPR Communications
