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By: Colin Auschrat, MA, Registered Psychologist
July 2026
One of the biggest myths about couples counselling is that it's only for relationships that are already on fire.
People often treat couples counselling like being sent to the principal's office. Something has gone wrong. Somebody is in trouble. Somebody needs to be blamed.
That's not what good couples counselling is.
It's more like hiring a coach because something matters to you. You don't take hockey lessons because you're terrible at hockey. You take lessons because you want to get better. The same applies to relationships.
Modern couples counselling is less about emergency rescue & more about maintenance, repair & learning how to have the conversations you've always wanted to have with the person you're trying hardest to love.
Far too many couples spend years putting their dreams into hibernation because it's easier than listening to their hearts scream
that something isn't working.
One of the least useful conversations couples have is trying to determine who caused the problem.
In the grand scheme of a relationship, everybody contributes to both the good & the bad. Both people contribute to the obstacles.
Both people contribute to the solutions. Both people contribute to the struggles. Both people contribute to the victories.
The goal isn't finding the guilty party.
The goal is creating enough space for both people to grow, feel valued, feel supported & feel loved.
Most couples spend so much energy building a case against each other that they never get around to building a better relationship.
One of the hardest parts of relationships is learning to tolerate the uncomfortable feeling that something sucks.
We tell ourselves that we will get to it when:
"When finances improve."
"When life gets less stressful."
"When the kids grow up"
The problem is that life rarely becomes less stressful.
Instead, couples spend years postponing the very conversation that would have helped them navigate those stressors together.
It reminds me of the old stereotype of a sailor getting his sweetheart's name tattooed on his arm before heading off on a long voyage.
Colin Auschrat, Reg. Psychologist
Years later he returns home hoping to reconnect.
The problem is that both people have changed.
All the tattoo tells him is that she was important to the version of himself that exsisted years ago.
He's different now.
She's different now.
And they have no idea whether the connection survived the distance.
Relationships work the same way. The connection that matters isn't the one you have when life is
calm. The connection that matters is the one you build during the storms.
Don't wait your life away.
Many couples eventually create an uncomfortable but predictable balance.
They're not happy.
They're not connected.
But they know the rules of disfunction. The resentment is familiar. The distance is familiar. The loneliness is familiar.
What often scares people about counselling isn't the possibility of failure.
It's the possibility of change.
Change means discussing things that have been avoided for years. Change means exposing resentment. Change means renegotiating
expectations, responsibilities & power dynamics. For many couples, avoiding those conversations temporarily feels better than having
them.
Not because avoidance is healthy.
Because avoidance reduces anxiety in the short term.
Unfortunately, it also guarantees that the problem remains exactly where it is.
Counselling is an investment & cost can be a real barrier for many families. If your benefits only cover a handful of
sessions each year, use them intentionally.
Schedule them. Plan for them. Use them consistently.
The biggest factor that determines success isn't how many sessions you attend.
It's what happens between sessions.
The couples who get the most value from counselling practice what they learn.
They try new approaches.
They experiment.
They get it wrong.
Then they try again.
Sometimes a relationship improves because people learn one small skill & practice it repeatedly. For example:
Instead of:
"Where the hell have you been?"
Try:
"I missed you. It feels like it's been too long since we connected."
One version invites a fight.
One version invites a conversation.
Small changes repeated often create big results. Couples counselling isn't a punishment.
It's not an admission of failure.
It's customized instruction for one of the most important relationships you'll ever have.
The goal isn't perfection.
The goal is helping 2 imperfect people build the connection they've been looking for all along.
We acknowledge our main practice is located within Treaty 6 Territory and within the Métis homelands and Métis Nation of Alberta Region 4. This place is a traditional meeting ground and gathering place for multiple First Peoples including the Nehiyawak (Cree), Anishinaabe (Salteaux), Niitstapi (Blackfoot), Métis, Dene, and Assiniboine, whose footsteps have marked these lands for centuries. Our online service spans what is today called Alberta and the Northwest Territories, which include Treaties 4, 6, 7, 8, 10 and 11.
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