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We're All Irritating, So None Of Us Are
By: Colin Auschrat, MA, Registered Psychologist
October 2026
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By: Colin Auschrat, MA, Registered Psychologist
October 2026
I have ADHD.
Which means I am occasionally amazed by the things that neurotypical people apparently do without even thinking about them.
Like...remembering an appointment.
Or putting your keys down & somehow creating a mental record of where you put them.
Or opening a cupboard, getting what you need & then actually closing the cupboard.
It's witchcraft.
I've watched neurotypical people do this & felt a little like a dog watching a magic trick.
"How the hell did you know where you put those?"
And then there are things that ADHD brains can be pretty damn good at.
We chase novelty.
We make weird connections.
We question assumptions.
We take risks.
We see possibilities where other people see a perfectly acceptable wall.
Sometimes that's incredibly useful.
Sometimes, it's how you end up with 6 half finished projects in the garage.
Usually, it's both.
And, that's kind of the point.
One of the things I think we all need to get better at, especially when we're talking about neurodivergence, is recognizing that none of us are operating systems without bugs.
Neurotypical people have strengths.
Neurodivergent people have strengths.
Neurotypical people have struggles.
Neurodivergent people have struggles.
And, occasionally, we all drive each other completely fucking nuts.
That's not a failure. It's being human.
Those of us with ADHD sometimes need the person who remembers the appointment.
The person who makes a plan.
The person who reads the instructions.
The person who says "Before we start, maybe we should figure out where we're going."
That person can be incredibly useful.
Even if they're annoying.
Especially if they're annoying.
Because sometimes the thing that irritates us about another person is connected to something we actually need.
When I talk about ADHD, I often describe it as a neurological operating system. It comes with some pretty impressive features.
It also comes with some kryptonite conveniently installed at the factory.
There are things ADHD brains can do incredibly well. And there are things that can be ridiculously difficult.
The problem is that most people with ADHD have spent a lifetime hearing about the second category.
Colin Auschrat, Reg. Psychologist
Eventually, those messages can become the voice in our own heads.
And we start believing that if we just shame ourselves hard enough, we'll finally become organized.
SPOILER ALERT:
Shame is a terrible productivity system.
I think there's something useful in changing the language. Instead of thinking about ourselves as good or
bad, try thinking about things as healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unhelpful.
You aren't a bad person because your brain struggles with organization.
You aren't lazy because getting started is difficult.
You aren't broken because your attention doesn't behave the way someone else's does.
Those are real challenges.
Those challenges deserve support.
But they don't have to become your identity.
Because when every struggle becomes evidence that something is wrong with you, the shame spiral doesn't exactly make the struggle easier.
It usually makes it worse.
ADHD brains can be remarkably good at divergent thinking. We're often able to generate unusual ideas, make unexpected connections & look at problems from angles other people might not immediately consider.
Sometimes we get the "aha!"
Sometimes we see a connection that nobody else noticed.
Sometimes we're the person sitting in the meeting thinking:
"Umm...has anyone considered that this entire plan might be ridiculous?"
And occasionally, the answer is "Yes. That's ridiculous."
Congratulations! You found the problem.
Other times, everyone else is staring at you thinking:
Please stop talking.
And that's the tricky part. We don't always know which one it is until afterwards.
Think about the story of The Emperor's New Clothes.
Everyone is standing around politely pretending everything is fine.
Then the kid says:
"Hey! He's naked!"
That's an ADHD brain moment.
Sometimes we're the person who notices the elephant in the room while everyone else is discussing the wallpaper.
That can be disruptive.
It can also be incredibly valuable.
The ability to question the obvious, challenge the plan or see something from a completely different angle can help a group move forward.
But there's another skill that matters just as much. Learning how to communicate the idea.
Because having a good idea & communicating it effectively are 2 different things.
If every observation arrives like a grenade, people eventually stop listening.
So part of developing the strengths of ADHD isn't just learning to have ideas.
It's learning how to coordinate those ideas with other people.
Imagine a team where everyone thinks exactly the same way. It might be incredibly efficient. It might also miss some pretty obvious shit.
Now imagine a team where everyone is constantly challenging everything, chasing every new possibility & changing
direction every 14 minutes.
Creative? Absolutely.
Functional? Maybe not.
Humans accomplish more when different kinds of minds work together.
The person who sees the possibilities.
The person who spots risks.
The person who creates the plan.
The person who asks why the plan exists in the first place.
The person who says "Let's try it."
And the person who says "Okay, but what if this goes horribly wrong?"
We need all of them.
I think there can be something surprisingly peaceful about admitting that we're all irritating.
Not equally irritating.
Not in exactly the same ways.
But all of us have habits, blind spots, strengths, weaknesses & weird little operating quirks that other people have to live with.
That's okay.
I am better off because of the neurotypical people in my life.
Their structure, consistency, careful analysis & methodical follow through can be incredibly valuable.
And hopefully, they're better off because of some of the things my brain brings to the table.
The creativity.
The risk taking.
The weird connections.
The willingness to question things.
The occasional ability to look at a perfectly reasonable plan & say:
"I have a thought"
(insert everyone in the room groans)
And then, sometimes, we find something really useful.
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